This book doesn’t invite anyone to pick it up, due to its incredibly boring cover, which makes it look like some sort of official document. However, if readers get past that, it is a very useful book for outlining what it means to be a complementarian in a generally clear and concise way. Kevin DeYoung admits that he isn’t covering everything – he wants it to be a readable length – but says that he would like the book to cause Christians to delight in being made men and women.
The author bases much of what he says in the biblical account of creation and what happened in the Garden of Eden. He also looks at men and women in the Old Testament, how Jesus interacted with women, and then what Paul has to say on the subject. Several times in the book, he explains that the way Adam and Eve interacted before the fall was the way God created things to be. This was spoiled by sin, and so any advice on how men and women live together later in the Bible is because “God is in the business of returning us to what was once declared ‘very good’.”
Deyoung helpfully looks at the main Bible passages which deal with this issue and looks at both sides of the argument. He covers the controversial topics and shows where complementarian ideas come from, in most cases making his argument well, though in a couple of instances he uses unfamiliar words which he doesn’t explain, and once he states a position about women conducting intercessory prayer which he doesn’t seem to justify.
Deyoung tries to be fair to both men and women, looking at the strengths and weaknesses of each. He shows that a woman’s submission should be given and not demanded, and that the same is true of a husband’s love. He sees how men can fail to stand up and fulfil their calling, and concedes the hurt that women have often experienced. However, despite his attempts to be sensitive, I don’t think there was enough of an acknowledgement that this position is very counter-cultural in the society we live in. This makes it difficult for us as women. It doesn’t mean it is wrong; it just means it is hard and needs much wrestling with, and I think there could have been more understanding of this in the way that he wrote.
The book shows the beauty of complementarianism if it is lived out, and is helpful about what to teach our children about being male and female.
You might not agree with every application which is made, and DeYoung himself says that complementarianism can be worked out in different ways, but if you want to understand the basic theology and be prompted to think through the issues, then this would be a good book to read and discuss.
Carolyn Patterson